The five best ways to wake up (lazy) parents at 5am, by Blossom, aged 2 years and 14 days

Mummies and daddys are lazy. Fact. They are always wanting to lie in until 6am or even 6.30am!!! I mean, by then, the day is half over already.

But luckily for my mummy and daddy, I am super, brilliantly, talented at waking them up at the more appropriate time of 5am (or 5.30am if I had a late night – I’m only human, after all)!

I need my baby chino after all my hard work in the mornings!

Here are the five best ways to wake up your lazy, sleep-all-morning parents. And don’t worry if they try to ignore you or pretend to still be sleeping, just keep repeating what you are doing and they will drag their lazy bums out of bed eventually!

1. Turn around in your cot, so your feet are against one of the hard ends, and then start banging your feet repeatedly. Kick harder and harder as time goes on. Stop occasionally for 2-3 minutes to let your parents either fall back to sleep, or start panicking that you have hurt yourself, then resume kicking. Continue until parents finally succumb and get up. This works in both a baby sleeping bag and cot duvet.

2. Start by calling ‘muuuummmy’ over and over, getting louder and louder each time. Then move on to shouting ‘daadddddy’ at the top of your voice, making sure to string out the word for maximum annoyance (annoyance = wake up). When this doesn’t work, begin going through the names of every family member or friend you can remember, throwing in the odd name they don’t recognise, just for fun.

3. One of my favourite ways of waking big people at 5am is by singing. For some reason, the rendition of ‘ginkle ginkle likkle car’ that they find adorable at 10am, drives them mad at 5am. (Parents are strange like that)! And mad = wake up.

This is after using tip number 3 on mummy!!!

4. Call your older siblings name at the top of your voice until they wake up, go for a poo and then have to call mummy or daddy to wipe their bum. Once parents are out of bed, even if they misguidedly think they can return to their sleepy haven, they are much more likely to succumb to one of the above tactics.

5. Now this is one tactic you must only use for very special occasions, like when mummy and daddy have been out with their friends the night before (they need extra help getting up on those mornings)! Undo your sleeping bag, climb out of your cot, make sure you jump down with a loud bang and then cry your heart out. When the unlucky chosen parent comes rushing in, stop crying and start shouting ‘beebies beebies’ at the top of your voice. They will be so worried about potential brain injuries that they will take you straight downstairs.

And there you go – five tried and tested ways to get your lazy big ones out of their favourite place – bed (whilst also reminding them whose boss)! Extra tip – these also work on grandparents, and aunts and uncles, and have the added benefit of deterring future sleepovers.

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3 thoughts on “The five best ways to wake up (lazy) parents at 5am, by Blossom, aged 2 years and 14 days

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