This week my husband ended up in a leg cast, just days before we were due to fly out for a week snowboarding with the family in Bulgaria. So we cancelled the holiday, broke the news to the children, claimed the money back on the insurance… and I completely broke down and spent three days solidly crying.
Bit of an overreaction Hazel, I hear you saying. It’s only a holiday. There’s always next year. You’re not the one in cast. You are so lucky anyway, look at your lovely children. It could have been much worse. Trust me, whatever you’re thinking, I have thought it or some helpful person has kindly pointed it out to me.
But for some reason cancelling something I had been looking forward to for months, just completely broke me.
It wasn’t all the organising I’d done. It wasn’t the money we’d spent. It wasn’t even missing out on doing something I love with lots of people I love (although that stung pretty badly)!
It was the desperate need I had for a break. I break from the norm. A break from the school and preschool runs. A break from cooking dinner, working, washing, cleaning up, making the bed, ironing uniforms. Just a break from my life. And having that break suddenly (and unfairly) snatched away from me was just pushed me over the edge.
And then I realised, as I burst into tears for the millionth time, that I just wasn’t giving myself enough breaks. I was going 100 miles per hour looking after our family, renovating our house and building up my freelance work. And when I did have some spare time, I was swimming, training or doing yoga – all things I love, but also things I do for a reason.
Where is the fun? Where is taking a break from all the things I ‘need to do’ or ‘should do’ and just doing something I ‘want to do’? Maybe if I did a bit more of this in my day-to-day life, I wouldn’t have been relying on this holiday so much. I wouldn’t be limping to the finish line, desperate for a break.
So I’m making a change. And I’m inviting all to join me.
I’m going to make an effort at least once a week to just choose me. To choose to stop and take a break. Without guilt, without worry, without thinking about the million and one things I need to do. And I will just do something I want to do. For fun. For giggle. For me.
I am choosing to give myself a break, so I don’t break. So, who’s with me?
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