To My Children – You Made an Awful Time, Wonderful

To My Children,

Today was the first time you have both been in someone else’s care since this craziness all began.

Today was the first time in 11 weeks that, for just a few precious hours, I was responsible for myself and only myself. And it felt weird and wonderful and sad all at the same time. And I missed you.

I was excited about you returning to school and preschool. But I was also heartbroken.

I know for many, the past three months has been an awful, terrible, dangerous time, and we have definitely had our moments. But we have been beyond lucky and, mostly, it has been wonderful.

Wonderful to have the extra time with you both. Wonderful to have daddy home all the time. Wonderful to watch you play together, laugh together, cry together. Forced together by circumstance, staying together by love.

I know I could have had longer. I know I didn’t have to send you back. But it was the right thing to do for us. I know it may all change again. And I know that lockdown hasn’t finished and the pandemic is far from over. But for now, that particular strange, sad and wonderful stage of our lives together is over.

One day you will learn about Covid 19 and the devastating and life changing effect it had on our world. About all the sadness and all the loss. And I’m sure you won’t remember it, you are just too little. But I will.

I will remember the lazy mornings. The bike rides. The baking. The lockdown birthday parties, afternoon teas and brownie deliveries. I will remember the endless rounds of dinosaur bingo, the garden picnics, the home camping, the paddling pool out in April and the joy bought by a simple cardboard box.

I will remember that our life didn’t slow down, but sped up with the constant energy of a two year old and a five year old. I will remember how lucky we felt and I will cherish the time it gave us together.

This was only a brief moment in our long lives together. But it is a moment my heart will never forget. So, thank you my children. You made an awful time, wonderful.

All my love, Mummy xxx

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